Saturday, August 25, 2012

Spiders around me and tasty meat in the kitchen .

25 of August 2012 and 7th of Shawwal 1433

I am gonna summarize the last days dreams, because I haven't been careful enough to write them down. So, the last week. What have I dreamt? 

One night, I dreamt about a lot of spiders from everywhere in the room. They didn't bite me or anything but they were so many. 

This night I dreamt about a lot of shooting or pointing with guns towards me. I were really afraid and tried to avoid them and paralyze them or even make them forget about the target - me. I also dreamt about a house where somebody had made really good and tasty meat. 

I haven't been myself the last days. I have been very weak and I also am aware of our financial situation now. Then, how should we continue? Should we continue building our house, or pay our debts first? That is the question. I also want to be rich. To be rich I have to have Self-Confidence and be proud of who I am. And to get self-cofidence and pride I have to have integrity. And to get integrity I have to have empowerment in my life. So how can I get there?

Dreammoods:

To see a spider in your dream indicates that you are feeling like an outsider in some situation. Or perhaps you want to keep your distance and stay away from an alluring and tempting situation. The spider is also symbolic of feminine power or an overbearing mother figure in your life. Alternatively, a spider refers to a powerful force protecting you against your self-destructive behavior. If you kill a spider in your dream, then it symbolizes misfortune and bad luck.On a negative note, spiders may indicate a feeling of being entangled or trapped in a sticky or clingy relationship. It represents some ensnaring and controlling force. You feel that someone or some situation is sucking the life right out of you. To see a spider climbing up a wall in your dream denotes that your desires will be soon be realized.

To eat or cook meat in your dream suggests that you are getting to the heart of the matter. You are recognizing and utilizing your instinctual energies. Alternatively, you are seeing others achieve what you are still striving for.

I have been with my family during a birthday-party. My five-year-old had turned six. My family are all atheists and my children are proud Muslims. My son who is eight years old talks about Paradise and prayer and why they should become Muslims and what will happen to them if they don't accept. They answered that they think that islam is oppressing to the Women. I knew that so I didn't get nervous or anything, but it hurts to hear that. I told my son to behave, but he really has integrity. What he believes is what he does. He does'n't listen to anyone. I talked about that with my sister and my mother and they both said it is because my husband isn't helping and that I have to do everything by myself. That is not the issue. I replied that every man and wife, whatever religion they have, will dispute about the children. My sister, who doesn't have children, couldn't accept that because "she talks with her man". I said to her that this will change later on, when they have children. She can't understand how it is to have children. She is not 30 yet, and she loves children, but she only persist a couple of hours. That is the difference. Me too, can have patience with children a couple of hours, no problem, but when you have to take care of them full-time, it is no longer that easy, as she thinks. She doesn't know and I don't blame her. But it hurts me that she thinks that I am a "bad mother" who doesn't take care of my children and have patience and that I lack consequency. I know that she doesn't understand, but it hurts me anyway. I answered in good manners, but inside of me I was hurt. 

I think that my family i.e. my sisters and my mother, are egotistical. They don't do anything they don't like, just for the sake of others. I do it all the time. I sacrifice a lot in my life to have my famiily content. I, too, want to live like a new-wedd husband and wife. It is much more fun and nothing that distracts the relationship, like baby-cry or children who are hungry or bored. I take care of my family, their education and up-bringing. My husband does a lot of work him too. I don't blame him. But I think that he sometimes is a little bit lazy. And when I ask them to clean the house, they don't always do that, but my husband he cleaned the house together with the children yesterday. He even cooked for me. I felt better afterwards. 

I have a big obstacle to change my life. I feel that there are too many things that hinders me from doing what I want to do and that I have to have patience. There are not enough money, time or energy are mantras I repeat day after day. I get inspired very easily and I want to do things at once when I think about it, but life gets in my way - my family. I choosed to have a family, so I have to be responsible. But it is boring too. I dream about a career, several companies, work international, or as a journalist and travel around. I would like that, but my God doesn't allow me to travel by my self. I have to have somebody to accompany me. If God haven't thought about my securtiy and protection, then I would have been able to travel more by myself. God does on the other hand allow me to work, if my family's situation allows it. If the kids are grown up, aren't sick, aren't depending on me. Then I can do that. But the problem is then that I cannot make a deal a Seller. Firstly because most of the people I have to work with are men, and that is not good for my heart, Secondly, I am a poor Seller. I really hate selling. I love marketing, educate and to write, but I can't stand selling anything to anyone. That part somebody else have to do. So I am hindered by my incapability to Sell too. I don't have a University Degree either, only two-years. I have to study another three yeras to get there. Then I have the veil around my head that I am proud of, but hinders a lot of people to think of me as a Capable women. I have studied languages, a long working experience from various fields (cars, school, selling, medical care etc)

Enough now. 

To see a gun in your dream represents aggression, anger, and potential danger. You could be on the defensive about something. Or you may be dealing with issues of passiveness/aggressiveness and authority/dependence. Alternatively, a gun is a symbol of power and pride. Perhaps you are looking for shelter or protection in your dream. To dream that someone is shooting you with a gun suggests that you are experiencing some confrontation in your waking life. You feel victimized in a situation or that you are being targeted. Symbolically, dreaming that you are paralyzed means you are feeling helpless or pinned down in some aspects or circumstances of your waking life. You may feel unable to deal with a situation or change anything. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you are feeling emotionally paralyzed. You have difficulties expressing your feelings.

I think that my dream about guns means that I have been feeling confrontation and that I am trying to avoid it, by paralyzing them or letting them forget about islam, so that I don't have be so passive-aggressive. They don't even believe in God, so they can't understand me AT ALL. They have to believe first, before I can discuss with them, even though I try to be intelligent with them, but they only think with their feelings and follow their desires and wishes. I don't. I follow the one that have Created me. 

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